YK Drasha Rabbi Avi

    Life can be lonely. We can hear from anyone anywhere at anytime or place through what’s called “social” media. But the new means for communications are not really social, they’re isolating. Our news feeds in Facebook and constant updates from different apps just make our blood boil. Whether it’s awareness of hurricanes, earthquakes, war or just disgusting political arguments, you and I are becoming more and more separate from each other. And it’s easy for us to disagree in obnoxious disrespectful ways because we are in separate physical spaces. It’s like the guy just the other day who didn’t think twice about giving me the finger while driving past me in his car. I was in my box, he was in his. I wasn’t even real to him. 

    We’re easy targets for this sort of childish interaction because we are connected but totally separate. And we feel liberated to unleash our views, to damn others because of their opinions. This is the world I see.

    Some of us are trying have a healthier time with other people. We actually choose to go to live events, to real places, with real people, not just virtual stuff. Some of us even go to shul and try to relate with other people. But it’s not enough. There is still a feeling a separateness and awkwardness many times. We don’t feel connected or well acquainted. We are unsure how to remedy this reality and we begin to blame each other for the divide. We complain. We lash out against leaders and organizers, but maybe just maybe there is a better way to reconnect.

    Jews have always had the antivenin to the bit called loneliness. We just need to remember where that elixir is located... 

    Let me tell you about a middle-aged Jewish couple  who tried to find a solution to our collective solitude. We’ll call them Mike and Judy. They found themselves going to synagogue sometimes on Friday nights or Saturdays but not getting close to anyone. After their time in shul Judy and Mike would go home or even go out to a restaurant to eat, disconnected from everyone else. They were not so religious but they were trying to have more of something in their lives. Their kids were grown and moved away. No grandchildren. Just quiet, except for the constant stress, not from work but, from stories far away in a “social” place called social media. 

    Mike decided they should try something new. He remembered their old friends Mo and Alice that were at a similar point in life but he hadn’t seen in ages. Mike said to Judy, “Why don’t we invite Alice and Mo over this coming Friday for Shabbos dinner? I’ll do the cooking!” His partner in life was taken aback. They hadn’t had people over to the house in a really really long time… Even so, she said ok, but you have to invited them. “No problem. I’ll do it.” Well Mo was so happy to hear from Mike - He quickly ran the invitation by Alice and they responded yes! “Thank you so much for reaching out to us! What can we bring?” Mike told Mo that a side dish would be appreciated and that they should come over after Friday night services at 7pm. It was something special... Mike made two challahs from scratch using a recipe he found on-line. He actually put together a 5 course Shabbat meal from soup to nuts. Judy was shocked. Mike hadn’t helped in the kitchen for - well, who can remember?! 

     The food was tasty, but the conversation was incredible! Mo and Alice caught up with Judy and Mike. They talked face to face about real things and they felt refreshed and even younger after doing so. When the evening finally ended it was 11:00. They knew that this was the beginning of a renewed friendship and a better feeling inside. Mo said, “next Shabbos you two are coming to our place! Mike, you inspired me!” said Mo. I’ll make the food.” After saying goodby, Judy looked at Mike and gave him a loving embrace and a sweet kiss. A new spark was to be ignited in their own relationship from Mike’s efforts…

    Months later Mike, Judy, Alice and Mo had routinely expanded their guest list, reaching out to other couples  and singles, even some who were young enough to be their children, some of the people weren’t even Jewish yet. Mike felt funny that their kitchen wasn’t kosher so he and Judy agreed to gradually make that switch. Soon other people from the congregation were hosting Shabbos dinner in their houses and apartments. Something special was underway. People were feeling like they were a part of something… 

      The people in the story I just shared are not real but what they discovered is. Sharing meals with other people creates community. When humans break bread and converse in real time, face to face, everything changes. This is what we crave. It’s not the bombardment of headlines and tragedy at our fingertips that we crave, it’s the warmth of  person to person conversation, even in our homes that makes a difference.

    Most of us do not want to be alone but we don’t feel equipped to improve our situation. On this Yom Kippur on this Shabbat let’s find the inoculation which repels the disease of loneliness. Let’s discover how our homes can be powerful weapons used to destroy disconnection. On this holy day I challenge you to make more of a difference in building our community. Take it one step at a time, but don’t wait for someone to come to your rescue. Rescue yourself from separateness from loneliness, and from the horrible news and statistics around us. Create your own headline as you build new bonds with amazing people.

    Some of us are feeling great right now, prideful because we already host Shabbat dinners in our homes. Get rid of your pride. Look around you! You see lots of faces who were not invited to your home or anyone else’s home last year. We can do more. Maybe you have dinner with your family and guests every Friday. What about the rest of Shabbat? Have you thought of hosting people Saturday afternoon for tea and cake or for a Seudah Shelishit (a Saturday evening meal)? ( When was the last time you welcomed people who were younger or older than you or people who have different political leanings than you? Shabbat meals are a healthy time to share different viewpoints in a respectful way, to learn from each other. This is how we can build.

    The newest data about American Jews and our lack of Jewish engagement, our Jewish loneliness is shocking. Only twenty-five percent of American Jews in this newest generation are choosing to build Jewish homes. We can do something about this problem... Yes, our congregation is coming up with new and innovating programs geared toward engaging our younger brothers and sisters. Last February we held a late night open air concert in our new court yard at CBS. We called it “Hebrew Tribe Fest” and about 100 people took part, mostly in their 20’s and 30’s. On Tuesdays last year our Israeli teens called ShinShinim joined me at the café at Hillel in the University where we engaged with many Jewish college students in our discussions over lunch. We are continuing this program with the new semester. This year we launched a new program taking place on Thursday nights from 9 to 11pm, in our CBS Beit Midrash, called “Passion for Truth.” This is an opportunity for young adults to argue about Torah and its relevance in our modern lives. A year and a half ago Kamala and I decided to open our homes monthly to the entire congregation and all ages on Saturday evenings, allowing more of us to experience Shabbat in a home setting together, in a meaningful way. Just recently we had more than 90 people who took part in this event. We want to do more and more to alter the statistics, to reverse the trends but the synagogue and the rabbi are not going to be able to do the trick. You, will be the ones who can really remedy the problem. 

    On this Yom Kippur we are not just asking you to open your pocket books and send more tzedakah each month, we’re challenging you to open your homes on Shabbat. Partner with me to banish solitude and replace it with a thriving community. Let’s reclaim more of our heritage and in doing so be a blessing to the people around us. I am pleased that this is a “do it yourself” kind of shul. It’s a role up your sleeves environment. We see this all the time here, and it was evident on Rosh Hashanah with so many people leading the davening, chanting from the Torah, and giving sermons, divrei Torah. No cantor or rabbi can orchestrate what you can do from your own hearts here, and in your homes.

    People sharing meals and getting to know each other is way to fortify our Jewish community. Like the story of Mike and Judy it all begins with a brave small step. This is what God wants from us on this Yom Kippur - to make a commitment to the betterment of ourselves and our people. The world may be getting smaller and louder but it is all the more so depressing and lonely. Stop building a barrier between yourself and other people, other Jews. Make our Positive Jewish Experiences real and alive at home. G’mar Chatimah tovah - Seal your fate for life.